A teenage Don Crabtree danced to Chubby Checkers' “Twist” on the courthouse balcony of his small hometown in Indiana with his high school friends.
That joyful, carefree boy may as well have been a complete stranger to Crabtree when he returned home a few years later from Vietnam. He enlisted in the Air Force weeks after his high school graduation and was deployed to Tan Son Nhut base in Saigon during his last year in the service.
Even though it's been 40 years since he returned to the United States, Vietnam still haunts him.
“That's the kind of person I was before I went to Vietnam,” Crabtree said. “When I came back I gradually changed. I was depressed and having nightmares and kind of down on life. It seemed like I had nothing to look forward to.”
Despite all of that, he said he managed to live a seemingly normal life. Crabtree and his family have lived in Mustang for more than three decades and raised two children. He said his family has always supported him and without their strength and his faith, he would have drowned in depression.
“They love me, and they bear with me,” he said. “Sometimes I don't see how they did it. I guess that's love.”
Crabtree also took extra shifts at Lucent Technologies where he worked for 30 years before the plant shuttered in 2003. Unlike his coworkers, the extra money wasn't his motivation. Crabtree said he needed the work to keep his mind busy and Vietnam's ghosts at bay.
“I think that is what really kept me going up to that time,” he said.
When the plant closed, Crabtree was left alone, reliving the memories of North Vietnamese forces overrunning Tan Son Nhut base, the constant pound of rocket attacks echoing through his skull. He said he stopped leaving his home unless he absolutely had to and pushed people away.
“I got to where I didn't care if I lived or not,” he said. “I knew I needed help at that time. I went to my VA doctor, and he actually picked up on that I had PTSD. He sent me to the PTSD clinic here.”
Crabtree has received treatment for PTSD since 2006, and through counseling he has confronted many of the memories he's tried to qualm for decades. As he allowed his memories and emotions to flow, Crabtree said his symptoms improved, and he learned ways to cope.
“The first time I ever opened up, I started sharing things I had really blocked out — I had totally forgotten about,” he said. “I hurt my back twice in Vietnam (during rocket attacks), went into the emergency room. I didn't even remember that.”
When the PTSD music lab was formed, Crabtree said he eagerly bought a guitar even though he's never played a musical instrument before, but he always wanted to. He said music soothes him, and now when he feels low, he picks up his guitar and tries to master a new song.
“It gives us a chance to express ourselves,” he said.